Monday, June 23, 2008

Note to Kid II...

Hey little man,

I just wanted to let you know I appreciate the Father's Day gift. You didn't quite do what I asked, but if you're anything like me, your ADD kicked in about two sentences into the note... so I forgive ya. But it does sound like you had a little chat with your mom, who let me go and "upgrade the grill." So no harm done.

I hope you don't mind, but I tapped into your college fund and went with the stainless steel. You'll appreciate it when you get teeth and can eat solid food (not that you need teeth with the way my steaks melt... ha).

So here's a picture of the pork shoulder you missed out on. Don't worry bud, I'm sure the breast milk will be way better.

-- Dad

Saturday, June 21, 2008

The Stuff you Get...

While growing up, there are a few milestones that people give you stuff for. Graduating from high school was pretty cool, because people mostly give you money. Same with graduating from college, especially since you are genuinely poor, but they usually give you more money. Weddings are fun because your friends and family give you money, and blenders.

Then people find out you are having a baby, and they give you more stuff. In our case, you get onesies... a gazillion onesies. But unlike blenders, everyone has told us that we'll need all of them. So we're thankful for all of the onesies we've received, and we're also thankful for some of a few other fun gifts some avid B3 readers have given us.

Yup, we got the Monkey Baby Leash. I'm excited about taking the leashed kid places with a monkey on his back. Should be pretty fun.

We also got the Wee Block, the previously-mentioned urine super soaker-upper. Apparently, no one could find "Lil' Ladies Man," so we received "Tinkle Tinkle Lil' Star." Awesome.

From one of my cousins, I got the daddy survival kit, complete with: industrial rubber gloves, ginormous goggles, and disposable ponchos for when poop goes airborne (I heard it happens often); long handled tongs and disposable diaper bags, for the nasty diapers; a bottle of aspirin, for the headaches; a bottle of Jet-Alert, to help stay up on those late nights; clothespins; and a "Baby Gourmet" cooking tape ("Rated: Fresh & Fabulous").

A set of "Babies First John Deere Keys" were awesome. Seriously, he's going to learn how to mow the lawn when he's 3.

A little Pi Kappa Phi shirt. As soon as he's old enough to fit into it, I'll take pictures of him holding a PBR and getting friendly with the closest sorority baby.

Pacifiers are pretty cool because they generally shut babies up. But the Redskins pacifier is cool because it shuts them up while supporting my favorite team.

Lastly, we got the "Safe Baby Handling Techniques" book, complete with the Wheel of Responsibility on the front. The book is cool because not only does it tell you that babies generally do NOT eat fried chicken, but that only mommy should attempt breastfeeding. Boy, would I have been in trouble without it.

Thank you to everyone for all of the awesome gifts we have received. We still have room for more onesies, in case you see one that we can't live without.

Friday, June 13, 2008

Here's to you, 1,117...

1,117 hits on the blog???

What's wrong with you people? Don't you have anything better to do?

Note: If you put 1,117 in Wikipedia, it tells you that the following happened in 1,117 A.D.: Iceland ended slavery; Saint Magnus, the Earl of Orkney (of course) was executed; and the Miideri and the sohei of Enryakuji attacked Nara, Japan.


Well, here's a toast to 1,117, and a little thanks for visiting B3.

Now go do your own little dance, and stop back by later for more updates.

-- Tim

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Promised Pic...

Here is the promised belly photo... kind of.

And yes, we have started on the baby's room. Aunt Sam is decorating the walls for us. I'll post the final nursery photos once it is done.

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Note to kid...

Hey kiddo,

I know we don't really know each other yet... I haven't named you, I don't have any furniture for you yet, and I haven't bought you any Superman pajamas (yes, complete with the cape). But I am working on it.

As you know, about a month ago I bought your mom (your current transport vehicle) a massage for Mother's Day. Hopefully it relaxed you as much as it did her. Well Father's Day is fast approaching, and now I need your help. I know technically I'm not a father yet, but I'm not about to tell a 7-month pregnant lady she's not a mother yet either... you think I have a death-wish?

Here's what I need from you...

1) First I need you to start playing xylophone on your mom's ribs, get the hiccups, trampoline on her bladder, or any other annoying (but not too painful) thing your little plum-sized brain can think of.

2) Get her to think the only thing that will relax you is a car ride. She's pretty smart, so she'll figure it out fast.

3) Next, guide her to any of the following stores: Home Depot; Lowe's; anywhere that sells raw beef in large quantities; Bass Pro Shops... you get the idea.

4) If she turns on the car to leave without buying anything, start jabbing again.

5) Guide her, using the "warmer-colder" jab method (you'll figure it out) until she leaves with a gift in her hand. And make sure it's a good gift too... nothing lame like a tie, a pen holder, or a John Mayer CD.

6) Go ahead and relax on the drive back. You'll be exhausted.

Thanks in advance. And if you pull this off, I'll make sure your mom takes you to The Wiggles concert for your 3rd birthday.

-- Dad

Wednesday, June 4, 2008

Prize Fight... B3 Style

As you know, B3 will be expecting a new member in August. And with the new arrival will be a new power struggle for the attention of Tiff and I. I have a feeling the baby will win, but not without a good fight from Smokey, our resident pain-in-the-ass cat.

In about 2 months the fight should begin... Here's the fight billing.

Name: Smokey

Age: 3

Weight: 11 lbs

Bio: Smokey's incredibly efficient style of grabbing the attention of humans includes: incessantly bitching until they notice him, yell at him, feel bad, and then feed him; biting; attacking a passing foot and then retreating; throwing up on any plush, soft, and otherwise easily-stainable flat surface of the house; pooping; occasionally looking cute; throwing his body against any closed door at Mach speeds until the human behind the door opens it, yells at hims, feels bad, and then gives him treats; and knocking everything he can reach off of coffee tables, dining room tables, kitchen tables, dressers, and counter tops.

Name: Baby

Age: Newborn

Weight: About the same as a good-sized Bass

Bio: Although his attention-getting style is still unknown, the baby will most likely employ the same tactics that have been passed down to him from generations past. These tactics will most likely include: crying until the parents notice him and feed him; projectile vomiting; stuffing things in his mouth; mashing things into the carpet; pooping; occasionally being cute; stuffing things in his nose; flushing anything within reach down the toilet; and giggling.

It should be a pretty good fight... The betting window is now open.

(Baby photo by PBD/Dave)

Tuesday, June 3, 2008

Full Reflection

Here's the scanned page out of Southern Living that has the (now) famous couple, with the full reflection.

It seems like a pretty good giveaway, too. If you win, I assure you that your Charleston wedding will include a fat, sweaty, and drunk DJ who will set off the smoke alarm... just like ours!

Good luck!