Sunday, March 30, 2008

How to Save 6%...

Yesterday, we decided to head out early and go on a marathon hunt for baby furniture... crib, baby dresser, and "chester drawers" (I'm not sure what they are called, and that's what Tiff calls them). We hit up Burlington Coat Factory (not affiliated with Burlington Industries... apparently), Babies-R-Us, and Baby USA.

Burlington Coat Factory wasn't very impressive. Tiff picked up a couple shirts and we moved on.

As I've mentioned before [Pre-Valentines Trip], Babies-R-Us is in fact impressive. Their cribs were nice, and the selection was plentiful. They had so many cribs, I got confused at which one I was looking at, whether I had already looked at it, and what the difference was between that one and the six others that looked just like it. We picked out a couple that we liked and headed to our last stop.

Unlike the previous two stores, Baby USA is a franchise, so it is individually owned. This is important later on...

We looked at all of their cribs too, as well as the dressers and "chester" things. They had different packages that included all of those, plus the mattress, as well as armoirs and hutches if you want them.

We decided we liked the furniture at Baby USA and left to grab lunch and mull it over. About an hour later we returned, not to buy furniture, but to get the umbrella we left there (that happened to be in the car the whole time).

Since we were back, we figure we might as well go ahead and buy the furniture. We met the owner, Taylor, who was a nice guy and a great salesman. He was good at what he did because he was personable, great at bull-shitting, and talked me out of buying things we didn't need. His downfall was that he was a Tar Heels fan.

Taylor wasn't your average "yeah I like 'em" Tar Heels fan... he was a "eat, sleep, breath, foam at the mouth" Tar Heels fan. I think he about had a heart attack when Tiff started talking basketball with him.

Since the Heels were in the Elite-Eight of the NCAA Tourney (at the time), he had a promotion going on that if you sing a verse of the North Carolina fight song, you can save 6%.

Let me first say... I am NOT a Heels fan (sorry M&M). But to save some money, I'd lie to anyone and say that I am. So as we were buying the furniture, at the front of the store I sang, along with Taylor, part of the Tar Heels fight song...

I'm a Tar Heel born.
I'm a Tar Heel bred.
And when I die I'll be a Tar Heel dead.
So it's rah rah Carolina-lina.
Rah rah Carolina-lina.
Rah rah Carolina-lina--rah rah rah!

At the cost of my dignity, we saved 6%.

Thursday, March 27, 2008

Fun with names...

Now that we know that a little boy is on the way, it seems the majority of our conversations are about picking names.

Here's how I've figured out the baby naming process goes...

First of all, I bought a Baby Names book for Tiff last week as a surprise. So we have a good base of about 10,000 boy names...

Then you knock out about 75% that are just plain weird... like Traquavious, Abdon, and Franklheigh... I swear I didn't make those up.

Then you knock out about another 75% of what's left for the ones that make your kid sound like a near-sighted chemist, like Poindexter, Reginald, and Newton.

Then the ones that will get your kid's ass kicked... like Darshit. (I know that should have been knocked out from the first 75%, but I really wanted to point out the name. But it admittedly does have a good ring to it. Say it out loud a few times...)

Once you knock out those names, you're left with a still very mighty list of names to choose from. Here's how the conversation goes from there...

Tiff: How about Ethan?

Mom-in-Law: Ooooh, I like Ethan!

Tim: Nope. I knew a kid in elementary school named Ethan who was PK deficient and had to drink milkshakes that looked like post-fruitloop breakfast vomit. So no. How about Beauregard?

Dad-in-Law chuckles and hands me a High-Life, and Tiff scolds me for not taking this seriously (which I wasn't).

Tiff: How about occupation names, like Harper?

Tim: Harper? What occupation is that, someone who plays the harp?

Tiff: Yes.

Tim: Oh... nope.

Tim: How about a presidential name... like Theodore?

Dad-in-Law snorts beer across the room and declares that he likes the name "Teddy Baird."

Tim: How about "Teddy Brown Baird."

We chuckle, and the girls scold us some more...

Then it continues with the girls coming up with more names, and me knocking them down because they remind me of some dumb movie, a stupid kid I grew up with, or a pet we once had... Then I try to come up with other names that match our very Ursine last name...

The moral of the story is YES, we have discussed baby names. And NO, we haven't picked one out yet.

And YES, Darshit is now in the running.

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Dancing in my head

We apologize for the lack of updates recently. The past couple weeks have been filled with disastrous fishing trips (which is an entire blog in itself), uneventful fishing trips, house projects, yard projects, physical therapy, ultrasound appointments, etc...

Oh, you want to know the results of the ultrasounds?

Well Tiff and I went yesterday for the appointment. They put the goo-stuff on her (tiny) belly, and we immediately saw the little heart beating away. The technician pointed out the four-heart chambers, which proved we were in fact pregnant with a mammal.

We then saw what the technician said was a perfect looking spine, and little baby feet. We got pictures of everything. When I get to it I'll scan a few of them in.

Then she pointed out the little baby penis... I was dead-set that it was going to be a girl, just based on gut feeling. Tiff knew it would be a boy, I guess I should have listened to the mom's intuition.

When she confirmed it was a boy, I did a little dance like this in my head...

Then I did a dance like this...

So there you go, it's a boy. Now Project Baby Room can begin...

Friday, March 14, 2008

Things We're Registering For...

As I've discussed before, the baby aisles are fun to cruise through. I'm no baby expert, but I know what we'll need as soon as I see it in the store. So here are a few things we'll need in order to raise a smart, hard working, and well adjusted baby.

It's a well known fact that parents are crazy. Mine were... yours were too. And babies know this as soon as they get home from the hospital and their parents start making goofy faces at them. So the first thing they learn to do is walk, so they can eventually learn how to run away and be raised by wolves in the forest. So we'll need a Monkey Baby Leash. This serves two purposes... 1) It keeps the kid from seeking that loving wolf-family they are in search for, and 2) It teaches them how to deal with wearing all the ridiculous crap their parents will dress them in for the rest of their life.

This is a Baby Bjorn. There's an umlaut over the "o" of Bjorn, I just don't know how to add it. And because there's an umlaut in the name, it means it's foreign made. Wearing foreign-made stuff will instill a sense of worldliness in the baby, and will make it easier to learn how to speak foreign languages and cook exotic food. (My parents did not wear anything with umlauts in it, and I blame that for my poor performance in Spanish and German in high school.)
Ah yes, the toy lawnmower. Babies are much like bird dogs, and gun-shy bird dogs are worthless... much like lawnmower-shy babies. So you have to get them pushing around noisy lawnmowers at an early age. They will get used to the sound, and when they are about 3 they'll be ready to mow your lawn like a champ. Note: The toy lawnmower can be used along with the monkey baby leash, in case they try to make a break for it.

Babies are wily little creatures, and will run away at the most opportune times... like when their daddy is dropping a deuce. So that's why we'll need the Baby Keeper, an ingenious devise to keep the baby in place while we're getting some important reading done in the "library. " They probably won't be making a face like that, but you get the general idea...

These are just a few things, and I'm sure I'm missing a bunch. Any other suggestions?

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Fun with Shampoo

Recently, I've got myself into the habit of taking a stroll through the baby section of any stores I might be visiting. I do this partly because I'm always amazed at the prices of formula, diapers, and tiny baby Air-Jordans... and partly because I'm easily distracted by all the bright colors...

On a recent trip to one of these stores with a pretty decent sized baby section, I was approached by a gum-chewing fairly adolescent looking employee, while I was staring down a whole row of baby shampoo. (The colors were impressive)

"Is there anything I can help you with?" she smacked through her Juicy-Fruit.

First of all, she was a nice girl, but I'm not really sure I want advice on baby products from a 16 year-old. This is South Carolina, so I shouldn't be surprised, I guess. Secondly, I wasn't in a rush, so I decided to have some fun...

I looked around up in the air like I was lost. "I'm looking for the dog shampoo."

"This is the baby section," she stated.

"Oh, I've got one of those too. What's the best brand of baby shampoo?"

She looked confused, then really excited to answer the question... "Oh, any of the Johnson & Johnson stuff is good." She pointed them out like Vanna White. "And a lot of people like the Gerber shampoo. But between you and me, there really isn't any difference between adult shampoo, like we use, and baby shampoo."

I chuckled not only because she felt she had to define adult in layman's terms, but because she included herself as one. I also disagreed with her, but I kept playing along...

"I use Old Spice Hair & Body Wash, so I can just use that?"

"I don't think that's approved by the American (insert some pediatrician society's name here... I kinda zoned out), so I would get real baby shampoo."


She pulled a purple one off the shelf and opened it, smelled it, and handed it to me. "This one is lavender. It helps your baby go to sleep."

I liked the smell... it smelled like a baby should. But I still make a coughing sound just to add to the fun.

"I'm not sure if this will get the fur really clean."

At this point she got real fidgety and I could tell she was looking around for an out. "Fur?"

"Oh, we don't have a baby, we have a puppy. Will this help a puppy sleep?"

"You know, I think my manager might know."

She turned right around and disappeared around the corner. I left the baby section with a big smile on my face. I'm sure there's some blog somewhere on MySpace written by a gum-chomping teenager that starts out, "like oh my god, today at work we had the dumbest customer."

Thursday, March 6, 2008

The Year of the Legacy...

Subtitled: People I Don't Trust with Babies...

Secondary Subtitle: They are Gonna Kill Me...

As it turns out, 2008 is going to be a busy year for Pi Kapp births. As you know, Nathan and Sara just had their second. Soon Terry, Leebo, and myself will be adding to the pool in 2008.

We all went to college together, and are all fraternity brothers. Even though we were all very responsible students and exceptional citizens (chuckle), babies are a different story.

Because of this, I may get them to hop on and share some thoughts. But before they do, I'll make some introductions.

Meet: Terry

Terry had a Beta fish named Lulu, and a pet snake named Mitch. He never killed them, but did give Mitch away.

You can't give a baby away, man... I'm just saying.

He now lives in Boston with his expecting wife Sarah.

Meet: Leebo

Leebo had a water bed in college... enough said I think. Oh, and he and his wife live in Charleston and are expecting their first.

If I had a more incriminating photo of Leebo, I would have posted it. Now accepting donations.

Meet: Nathan

This guy is now in charge of two kids...

Hopefully taste in headwear doesn't translate to parenting skills.

(Photo Edited) -- Thanks Sara!

Meet: Tim

The baby better not try to steal my chicken wings.

Also, I've given up on buying diapers. I'm going to put newspaper and cedar chips down on all the floors. It should be a lot cheaper.

Congrats guys... Yo-Ho, Yo-Ho.

Tuesday, March 4, 2008

Cheap Hotels and Chin-Hair

Not much has happened on the baby front in the last few days. But I did come across this awesome photo of Tiff and I at a Pi Kapp social in Charleston, SC in 2001 (I think). She's 4-months along and can probably still fit into that dress.

On a side note, we have decided to find out the sex of the baby, which will be coming to a Blog near you in April, 2008.