Friday, February 29, 2008

Vote for Tim!

Us here at B3 welcome Amelia Lourain Mayse to the world. Amelia is the brand new daughter of Nathan and Sara, and sister of Seth.

I think Amelia Lourain is a beautiful name, but I am very disappointed I wasn't included in the naming discussion. So... I have now officially entered my name into the election for exclusive naming rights to Mayse Baby #3 (which I've already decided will be born, so that's not in the discussion).

Now if Nathan and Sara would like to skip the political arena and grant me exclusive naming rights based on my landslide victory in the Baby Predictions post, then I accept (I believe I at least got gooey right).

I ask for all of your support in this matter, and await the list of my opponents.

Congrats Nathan and Sara!

-- B3

Thursday, February 28, 2008

Sisterly love

My sister, we'll call her "Yesdnil," replied to the the Minivan Music Lessons post with this nugget of goodness. It was too good not to share on the main blog.

Courtesy Tim Hawkins

Monday, February 25, 2008

Little do they know...

That this is what their dad looks like...

Sunday, February 24, 2008

Minivan Music Lessons

I was involved in a lot of extracurricular crap as a kid. For example: baseball, boy (and cub) scouts, soccer, summer camp, band, etc. And I mean as a little kid, not a high school kid. I didn't do anything in high school... but I digress... The bad thing about it was that Mom was constantly driving me around northern Virginia. The good side was those were the times I picked up my taste in music.

Music was always on in the car. (Who am I kidding? Music was always on in the minivan.) In fact, I don't know if I've been in a music-less car at all in 27 years.

When I was little, it was usually "classic" rock... sometimes oldies.

The Beatles, Clapton, Tom Petty, The Stones, The Allman Brothers, Aerosmith, The Doors, to name a few.

I knew all the words. But as I listened, I had a lot of questions about the music... Why isn't Queen around any more? Are their last names really "Doobie?" Did Joe Walsh's Maserati really drive 185?

Mom answered, but left out details about Freddy Mercury dying of AIDS, and why they were called the Doobie Brothers.

But that was in the eighties, and all of that was mostly about 15 years old by then.

What will our kid(s) listen to when we're driving them around? (It sure as hell won't be the Wiggles, I'll tell you that.) When they are 10, will classic be called oldies, and will 90's rock be called classic?

Will I be forcing them to listen to music by bands like Pearl Jam, The Foo Fighters, Weezer, Spacehog, Soundgarden, Live, Green Day, and Better Than Ezra?

Most likely I will.

Will they ask me... Why isn't Nirvana around any more? Why are they called Porno for Pyros? What does Crash Into Me mean?

Do I answer, but leave out details that Kurt Cobain wacked out on coke and shot himself in the head and that babies come from songs like Crash Into Me? I think I do.

Or do I just ignore them and pass back a couple more crayons for them to jam into the upholstery?

In the end, I really hope they appreciate the music I make them listen to. And secretly, I hope they hate that their mom will make them listen to country.

Thursday, February 21, 2008

"Hell if I know"

Yesterday our whole office went to Indigo Joes for lunch. As the conversations evolved around me, some of the ladies began talking about baby stuff. So naturally I tuned in, hoping to pick up some nugget of information for future use. Apparently I looked more interested than I really was when one of them looked right at me and said, "You know what you need? A Diaper Genie."

--First of all, I can't imagine why I would need anything called Diaper Genie right now, as I am perfectly capable of using toilets, urinals, and the occasional big tree in the woods.

Jake (my buddy, and only other guy in the office without a kid) and I looked at each other and both shrugged...

"What's a Diaper Genie?". . . (Hell if I know.)

They shook their collective heads and laughed at us...

When I got home I decided to do a little research... here's what I learned.

The Diaper Genie is a trash can...

Oh, but there are two to choose from. Diaper Genie II and the Diaper Genie Twistaway. There was a list of "features" with each model.

Here are the Diaper Genie II's coveted features...

Helps keep your nursery odor free with Diaper Genie® II’s patented AIR-TITE™ System...

(So it has a lid...)

Uses the revolutionary AIR-TITE™ System, a seven-layer odor barrier film technology and the Push-N-Lock clamp, that seals odor away better than the competition

(I'll admit the "revolutionary seven-layer odor barrier film" is kinda cool...)

Has an incredibly easy-to-use, one-hand design system (unlike the original Diaper Genie® System, no twisting is required)

(One-hand design? How many diapers require two hands to hold?)

Holds more than 30 small diapers

(But how many of the monstrous "two-handed" diapers will it hold?)

Comes fully assembled and ready to use

(it's a trashcan, right?)

No Batteries Required

(see the previous comment)

Plus, Diaper Genie® II System is incredibly easy to use with its one-hand operation – important when parents are holding a child and trying to throw away a diaper at the same time.

(I can't fathom what is so damn hard about throwing away a diaper in a trash can, and why a two-handed person is that much better off than a one-handed person, unless they are the massive two-handed diapers previously mentioned)

I'm still on the fence with this one, but may be worth it just for the fact I don't have to put it together and it doesn't require batteries.

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

With a future baby on its way, it kinda gets you thinking about other things you want to get done in life. Much like The Bucket List, which I haven't seen but get the general idea, here's a short list of things Tim wants to accomplish...
  • Hitchhike somewhere
  • Protest something (if I protest protesting, can I check it off my list?)
  • Read the whole encyclopedia
  • Live off the land
  • Poop in all 50 States... (and get some encyclopedia reading done)
  • Work at a dude ranch
  • Fix our sink
  • Go on Cash Cab (and go double or nothing on the video bonus)
  • Throw out a first pitch
  • Read Letterman's Top 10
  • Get my pinkie working
Other than that, anything else that happens is just bonus.

Oh, and due to colds, bronchitis, and respiratory infections between Tiff and I, no baby stuff has happened in a while. But Tiff's getting a little belly now... woohoo!

Sunday, February 17, 2008

Bored...and sick on a Sunday

As many of you know, I really enjoy nature and wildlife photography. Today I was fortunate enough to observe one of the most dangerous creatures in the world... the pregnant wife (Knockedupicus femalicus). I say fortunate because on a Sunday afternoon, this would be her normal weekend hibernation time. Please note the habits of the pregant wife and her surroundings: comfy chair; blanket; pillow; book. But please don't let the domestication of these wild creatures fool you, as they are in fact, still wild animals.

I have been sick all weekend with either strep or something else pretty nasty. Tiff has been great at taking care of me. She's going to be an awesome mom.

Thursday, February 14, 2008

Pre-Valentines Trip

To beat the crowds, Tiff and I decided to go out for Valentine's Day on Wednesday. After an awesome dinner at City Range, we decided to hop on over to Babies R Us and take a quick look around. If you haven't been there, it's kinda overwhelming. I saw 12,000 nipples, a $375 breast pump, and a whole aisle just for butt-cream... which is impressive in itself.

One thing struck me as kinda funny. They had socks with little grippy bottoms, and the grippy things have the age of the kid on them, so you know what size they should wear. Not only is this great for the mom, since she knows the kid won't be slipping around, but it's great for the dad too. Any time someone asks how old they are, he can just look at their feet...

"How old is he?"

"Ummm... he's 0-6 months"


Tuesday, February 12, 2008

First Post... sure to change

Welcome to the first blog for Baird... Cubed.

Why Baird...Cubed you ask? Many of you know Tiff and I have a little bundle of joy (and when I say "bundle of joy," I mean a baby, not a gift-basket full of Heineken) coming our way in August. It will be the third Baird in the household, so hence Baird... Cubed.

Why not Baird By 3? or Baird Baby Blog? Or any other of the million alliterative names you can come up with? I don't know really, so we're sticking with this name.

This isn't the very beginning of the pregnancy, so there will be some things we'll catch you all up on. But it is pretty close to the beginning, so you really haven't missed much...

Here's what you have missed...
  • Tiff hasn't really been sick, which completely amazes me,
  • I bought a box of diapers,
  • We don't know the sex, and we haven't decided if we are going to find out,
  • Tiff's not really showing yet,
  • We haven't started on the baby room yet,
  • I went to Baby's R Us... and left scared,
  • We haven't picked out names, but have ruled out Rufus and Gertrude... I'm campaigning for Grizzly,
  • Seriously, I bought a box of diapers. See below.

-- Tim