Now that A.D. is a week old, and we're parenting experts, there are quite a few things we have learned that we'd like to share with you future first-time parents.
1) Newborn poop is weird... very weird. In the early days, it is a mix of black-green silly-putty slime-tar fudge-goo (I'm proud of that description) that pretty much doesn't wipe off. Ever. The good thing is that is doesn't stink, which (unfortunately for me) means I get to spare you more fun adjectives. But then you learn that in the next few days it is no longer black, and the stink is there to stay.
2) You think, going in to the whole having a baby thing, that you have a general idea of how to change a diaper. People tell you all about lifting up the legs so you can wipe the previously mentioned impossible-to-remove tar from said butt. Then they tell you all about putting the diaper back on so it fits. And they even tell you about little tricks so that the kid doesn't pee everywhere (that you learn later will happen anyways) while you are changing them. What they don't tell you is that as soon as you lay them on their back and the cold air hits their baby skin, they turn into a flailing, screaming, completely pissed-off spider-monkey.
3) Sleep is AWESOME.
4) Every once in a while, if you're paying attention, you'll see a newborn smile. And it really is the cutest thing ever. But then you learn that they don't smile randomly, but they smile when they are passing gas or filling their diaper... if you know what I mean. I haven't figured out if they smile because it feels good, or because they know how hilarious it is that you have to change them.
These are just a few things we have learned, but we have loved every minute of it. Here's the famous week-old baby.